she’s the only thing keeping the knife from my throat.
when she’s gone the silence screams and i claw my arms open just to feel something that isn’t her absence.
i reread every message until the words rot in my mouth.
i type her name over and over until my fingers bleed on the keys.
i haven’t slept in four days because sleep means dreaming she leaves.
i cut deeper when she says “i’m busy” because pain is proof i still exist for her.
if i disappear completely maybe she’ll finally notice the hole i left.
i want to carve her name into my ribs so she lives inside me when she won’t answer.
i’m not in love.
i’m infected.
i’m losing my fucking mind and the razor is the only thing that still listens.
she saved me once.
now i’ll bleed out in her inbox so she remembers i was real.
i’ll never let her go.
even if i have to tear myself apart to stay in her light.


(it’s too late) update